Wrestling with Singleness

To my white-flag waving single folks,

Giving up already on love? We all know that someone who constantly dwells on their singleness and the desire to finally be married. Praise Jesus, we’re actually able to find hope and joy outside of that or us single folks would always be unfulfilled in life. Here it is: You’ve got a personal dilemma, and the world says that’s alright. You desire to love the person you’ll love forever, and the world says that’s great. BUT, a big BUT, God says that’s not enough. You’ll never be fully satisfied in anyone but him. Christ is the one we’re supposed to search after whole-heartedly. It’s so easy to become tangled up in the passions and desires of today, but that’s not fulfilling for our hearts.

If you’ve had someone ask, “Now, why in the world haven’t we gotten you married off yet?” or “Are you seeing anyone? Because, I know..” It’s unfortunate that this is many people’s preponderance, as if someone’s successful or failed relationships, of the lack thereof, only illustrate a stop sign to offer an opinion on singleness and the fix. This is such a common misconception, as it puts false expectations in our heads about our futures & what fills us. I’m happily hoping for someone who is running the race towards our godly marriage; that day may come. But, for all of you in the same boat as me, life is worth so much more than being concerned about your future and your singleness. What you don’t need is another simple fix to throw away when you find out it wasn’t as great as the commercial said. What you need is real resolution.

If you’ve wrestled against the wait and the question of why you have to wait, ask yourself a simple question.

Is Jesus your #1? I know, it’s easy to say, “Sure, I am considerate of others.” Well, anyone with manners is considerate and polite. It only takes knowing one English word to express gratitude (Thanks!), and most people say it out of habit. It’s also easy to say, “Yes, I am following Christ.” Well, lots of people say that, and the question has to be backed up with reality. Are you a Christian that’s really been relational in your walk with Christ? Because, it’s easy for things to become habit, and telling ourselves a relationship is healthy can become habit if we’re not really invested in the relationship and assessing its condition like we could be. The problem may not even be that Christ isn’t your number one right now, but I’ll bet that a lack of a unity or a daily pursuit of time with Christ is why your questions and struggle have escalated to an unbearable or preposterous level. Let’s cut to the bone. If Jesus is your number one, then do not try to cut him out of your picture or leave him at the sidelines because his plans might be contrary to or happening at a different rate than yours. Instead, embrace that he knows better despite the potential outcomes, and you may need to have a healthier perspective from his point of view.

For you, the million-dollar question might be, “Can my life have the hope of love and still be fulfilled regardless of being single right now?” The answer is yes, and here’s why…

Luke 14:25-27 & 33 says, “Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: ‘If anyone comes to me and does not hate their father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple…In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you have cannot be my disciples.’”

So, thinking about this logically is the first step. God calls us to give up everything. Deuteronomy 6:5 says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.” A basic premise of following Christ is that you love him solely, and you give everything up for him. You love him, and he becomes your everything.

On that person you’ve been dreaming about, hoping for, waiting on? Keeping them even second or third in your heart is a violation of your relationship with Christ. It’s a violation of your heart. Giving up everything is a tall order to fill. BUT WAIT! Hebrews 12:2 says, “Fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” If we fix our eyes on Jesus, he fills us and works on our faith. He’s ruling over it all, and he perfects our joy. Our temporary hope fades in our hearts as eternity stains us with a permanent seal of grace. Life becomes less about us and more about Christ, and giving up everything for him becomes the natural progression of following after him.

So this singleness? It’s less about us and our future love, and it’s more about our current relationship with Christ. Until you fully give up your life to Christ, how can you have a husband (or a wife, gents) that is second? Like a tree, how can you grow a trunk or branches if your roots don’t yet exist? How can you fish for supper if you lack the pole, tackle, and bait? Christ is the answer to your upstream battle, little salmon. He’ll pick you right up and save you the hassle if you let him.

So, now that you know Christ needs to be your center, part two may commence. There is, probably, already someone out there for you! E-harmony fake-and-bake boloney is nothing compared to this life-pairing knack that the Father has. Mark 10:6-9 says, “But at the beginning of creation God, ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” Of course, this is talking about Adam and Eve, but more specifically, it is talking about marriage itself as a creation, a pre-choosing, of your Maker. I’m not saying that marriage is a guarantee. We are not given these bodies with a warranty tag for 100% satisfaction. But, God specifically tells us that He makes two people for each other. We’re meant to be of one flesh, and God joins us together. So, there might be someone made just for you.

What a beautiful hope right there! Marriage is an essential part of our creation. I look forward to knowing this match of mine, but more importantly, I look forward to meeting Christ everyday until then. Take up your cross daily, fix your eyes on Jesus, and keep up the hope that, one day, you’ll cross into a life with your other half. Singleness might seem like a time of waiting, but it’s really a time that Christ can use to work on our hearts and draw us near to him. He’s the Maker of your other half, and God knows your impatience to be one with another. Hang in there! Grow in Christ and cling to your relationship with Christ. He might throw you two together someday, and it’ll be part of a perfect plan made by a perfect God.